The Pill

28 years ago, at the tender age of 14
I had no idea what to call it and yet  deep down I knew that a part of me was hiding waiting to get out.
Secreting into my mums closet and trying on her dowdy clothing, the thrill I would experience non the less filled me with fleeting joy, until I happened to see my reflection a foul and hideous creature that taunted me as I realised my fate was to be ugly, male and despicable.

For nearly two years I had been weekly trying on my Mothers clothing and shoes and for all that time my reflection continued to taunt me.
At such a young age and not having access to the Internet or the knowledge to find the answers in a library, I was stumbling around in the dark with no hint of light to guide me.
Strange that even then I knew deep in my heart that I knew I never wanted to be a boy, and that my saviour would be to get on the pill. my logic to this was simple:
girls take the pill,
girls have breasts
girls are pretty
So therefore if I get the pill I too can be a girl
and be pretty and have breasts
Alas not knowing how to approach a doctor and say please I need the pill I need to be the girl, I was meant to be, for two more years I failed to understand and not surprisingly I never got the pill

One day as I rifled through my brothers room I came across a mighty treasure.
Trans-sex climax
even then, the term meant nothing to me
yet these images inside, goddesses with large male appendages spoke so clearly to me.
these beautiful women were exactly who i dreamed of being. to many times to count i would sneak away this golden book and read the stories and fantasise for just a while that it was me that was being worshipped
by their lovers
Finally I had a name to put to the feelings that have plagued me so long Transsexual.
Looking at them these goddesses I realised I could never be like them with their beautiful faces and curvaceous bodies, so perfectly female except for that one difference.
I could never be like them I believed, after all they were born this way weren't they

 It wasn't till much later, after many years of snow-dropping my neighbours clothes lines and an embarrassing collection of magazines that I discovered that my assumptions were wrong, these girls had been born with male bodies, its just that they had found where to get the pill. And it took me many more years to realise that their bodies were in part due to cosmetic surgery as well.

Fast forward to 31 years old. I have the Internet and can know at last, discover how and what caused these girls I adored so to have the curves and the features of a beautiful woman
So much misinformation to wade through on my journey of understanding. And so many shattered dreams later I finally discovered my holy grail
A site dedicated to helping troubled souls find the knowledge and vital information about "The Pill "
At last I cry briefly, until I discover that without surgery I will still see that same face and that same ugly body taunting me and ridiculing me for being so male and so hideous

Here I am yearning with all my heart to be the beauty in the fairytale, yet I'm forever doomed to be the repulsive beast and never the beauty I dream of being.

And then  finally a break. I happened to come across two amazing people who not only shared with me their stories, but their before and after pictures also. neither of these two girls have had cosmetic surgery yet and nor do they need any. Finally it all clicks into place that yes I can be that girl I dream of being
maybe not as buxom and plastic but a girl.

So 28 years later and I am on "The Pill", OK so not quite the pill  I was thinking of back then, but something better and much more effective, And I am now that girl that longed for freedom all those years ago.

Free at last, just to be me.

Acceptance

I thought I had finished coming out to all my clients and had clean forgotten about at least one, That was until today when one of them phoned me this morning asking if I could measure up a shower for him

Phil has known me only as Jason for over a year now , but I think really hes always known there's something a little different about me, but he's never questioned me about it, even though he has seen my changes as periodic  snapshots so each development has been a bit more obvious for him, than those who I work with every day

He is one of my fairly regular clients. And knows that I always provide him with the best service and product
and as such never quibbles about price . I fact he never bothers to call at the office anymore as he knows he gets the best service by calling me direct.

Today we greeted as usual with a handshake and a quick catch up about what we've been up to
This is the moment when I let him know I have changed my name
his response was   " I had better update my contact list then"

The part that really shocked me though was when he was rang the client for entry
without even a thought in one sentence
" Myself and Alice are here to measure up
  Yes,  she does excellent work "
he referred to me as Alice and She without even thinking about it.
and all I could say was "Thankyou"


Even Colin at work admits he has trouble with referring to me as She, and even with clients he will say
"Alice can help you with that,  I'll get him to call you"
He even went on to state today when I asked him about that
" When you get your outy turned into in inny, I'll call you she "
I cant really fault him for that line of thought. I know he respects me as a person and that matters more to me than anything
I am looking forward to the day that I can finally afford to have my body totally in line with how I feel
and seeing so many of my friends having just had there surgeries or are only mere months away makes me more excited that in two years I might finally be able to afford both My facial feminisation surgeries and my own gender affirmation. excited just thinking about it

So to all my friends who have just had theirs or are just about to  " Bitch"   lol
seriously so happy for you all

Who do I believe

A few of my friends have told me that I am far more passable than I believe I am
and that twisted shy scared and self doubting voice in my head always tells me

" there just being nice dear "
" your not really passable at all"

And me being me, I just blush smile and wish the words were true
I still see so many flaws when I look in the mirror. I'm not expecting it to shatter and explode into small shards from the hideous creature it tries to reflect
But I still so much room for improvement , I could list them all but I would bore you to tears

Yet almost all of the people I meet in my day to day working life, rarely even bat an eyelid when I introduce myself.
"HI I'm Alice   And I will be installing your Shower?mirror etc"

They are nothing but polite and interested in seeing the fruits of my labour
And just this week one of my clients was explaining on the phone to his customer

"She recommends you go for this style of shower  ,Alice also ......."

Hes only met me the once and the simple fact I'm a transgender girl doesn't even rate a thought



Then just today I'm all the way out at Wallan to install a shower on a building site .
next thing I hear one of the tradies Shout and curse and swear because someone stole all the doors he was meant to install from the garage (hour and a bit drive to find you cant work ,would annoy even the gentlest of souls )
As he walks around the corner he sees me quietly working away. And instantly the first words out of his mouth
" I'm sorry about swearing, I didn't realise we had a lady on site"
 nope hes not wearing coke bottle glasses or stumbling around like he just left the bar

 I seem to remember That for most of 2011 and the later half of 2010, I was getting odd looks and stares daily
and clients would make a comment or ask a question of me to try and understand what they were seeing
On more than one occasion I was quite directly asked if I am transitioning
to all these questions I would answer honestly and would elaborate if they asked more of me


So who do I believe 


This voice in my head that doubts both myself as a person and my potential at every turn 
or 
my friends who care for me , and the overwhelming army of passer-bys that just accept and treat me as a female  


Maybe just maybe, maybe I  should learn to accept myself half as much as others seem to
crazy idea !

One week down

So its only been one week since I went back to work as Alice or just five days if you want to be technical about it. I'm still a little overwhelmed at the fact I finally did it after all this time . and a little surprised at how fast it all happened once I made a decision

I had been expecting some resistance at work to be honest. Don't get me wrong my bosses have been so supportive and understanding of my need to take such a huge life changing decision. And over the last few years I have received little in the way of  negative reactions. And even those were snide comments and derogatory comments not aggressive and threatening actions 

At work Charlie is just amazing to say the least, for a man who is in his 60's his reaction towards me has been one of total respect and understanding we still chat and joke just as we did last year. the only difference is that he now calls me Alice and thinks of me, or I should say treats me as if I am a genetic female.

As for the girls in the office. they are also calling and treating me with the same respect I gave them in coming out to them. they are now advising my customers that Alice will come to measure or install their showers, mirrors or splash-backs
And already this week I have been to seen several of my clients from last year and this might sound silly ,but the lack of a reaction to seeing me in obviously female clothing and make-up is both reassuring and unsettling at the same time. not that I expected a bad reaction ,I just guessed there might have been a moment of surprise .And in a discussion with one new mum I told her about my Daughter , then I suddenly wondered if she knew I was originally male or if she was convinced I had given birth and was a real female
as some of my friends tell me how passable I am
Oh Well

Of my trade customers four this week have seen the new and improved me
when I told Sam I was changing my name and explained why he was actually surprised to say the least , but he did ask some questions and I answered them all honestly without going into to much detail . He seemed to take on board this news quite well and seemed happy that I had enough respect for him to explain why and what was happening

Joe . now he's a different kettle of fish. Several months ago he politely asked if I was gay, as he was picking up some signals from me and was trying to work it out . Not being in a position
So when I told him that I was in transition from male to female, and that I had gone full-time
He was not shocked at all and mentioned that he had noticed certain developments over the last year
so even without a bra it was becoming impossible to hide my new breasts. Which of course I'm more than happy about
So after I helped him get his order together as he was about to leave he got half way through using my old name then in a fluster apologised and used my new name. Its that point of time where you grin from ear to ear.
Not because he got flustered but because he said sorry and corrected himself
I am sure that over the next six months that will happen less until finally the name he thinks of is Alice
But I would be a fool to think that I can break this news and have everyone get it straight away
but the fact of someone correcting themselves means that they are trying to show you that they actually respect your decision

The biggest surprise bar far was my bosses two young kids came over to say hi and offer us doughnuts
Quoting them  " hi Alice would you like a doughnut "
They are only about 10 years old and have always called me by my former name. But obviously Matthew had sat them down and explained some of what is happening too me.
I know that children adapt to changes a bit quicker, but I feel flattered that Matthew respects me enough to explain  it to his children


So next week I have several appointments with past clients, some of those are on construction sites not that I expect to be treated any differently than before, although with past experience when I have been a little more obvious, I have been pleasantly surprised at the offers of assistance and the polite way that I have been treated. So really I can only expect this next coming week to be just as positive


Even still It is such an odd feeling of stillness and peace inside. And I am sure this quietness will feel more comfortable in time but right now it leaves me a little confused as I wasn't really ready for it to be this easy

But I am still more than happy with the outcome so Far . And looking forward to the future with expectation of  the marvellous experiences yet to happen

Thankyou everyone for taking the time to read


Alice

=^.^=

Just an ordinary life

January the ninth 2012

Just a regular day after two weeks holiday. Not so for me as it is also my first day back at work, after the Christmas Dinner when I came out to all

22nd of December I starting living full-time and its been so nice waking showering and then getting dressed without having to think how am I supposed to present today so after two weeks it is so normal now to wake up put on a bra and make-up and head off

This morning was really no different I tried one top and decided no..... not today and put something else on
and decided yes, of into the bathroom brush my teeth and put on some powder and lippy, and head out the door . The only difference was that today I was going to work and being me

Me and Charlie get along quite well . And this morning was no different and as we shared an early morning cuppa he turns around and says " from now on I'm going to call you Alice ,and would you like me to refer to you as SHE and HER "      my reply is obviously a big grin and a nod  " yes thank you Charlie " I didn't need to finish of the rest as he knew how much I appreciated both his friendship and acceptance of me.

For the rest of the day every time he needed to ask a question or ask for assistance he would call out Alice. and not even once slipped even though I expected he might, it is of course only natural to slip up when someone changes  their name or gender .
Several of the trade guys came in today and other than taking a moment to work out in their head why I am wearing girls clothes and a bra .  and once they worked it out it was just business as usual ordering a shower or materials from me just like they always used to
OK most haven't called me Alice yet , but I expect that's because neither myself or my bosses have told them yet
but it is after all my first day back and and it will take them a while to get used to calling me a different name
I already know they have noticed that I'm a bit different but they also know that I pull out all the stops for them when they need it.

So tomorrow is going to be just another day at work as me

I'd so love to be able to say ,oh my god it was so amazing even the sky was bluer and the air sweeter with the fragrance of life
OK it was a bit brighter today.... But really its just a normal day in an ordinary life

the only change i noticed is that no one is scratching their heads in confusion any more


So really living full-time is   " Just an ordinary life   "
 

Cherished friendships

Friendships are of more importance to me now than I ever thought possible in my old life

several of my old friends from Adelaide rate very highly in my list of friends I both adore and respect
Having had to lie and hide the inner most self from them for so long , even though I came out to them all in the end . finally getting the chance to be with them face to face and allow them to see me as I really am. Was the most exciting part of my Christmas break
And just to put my friends in context I will describe a little about them

"Tracey"
 
 We first met at a mutual friends party, so totally drawn to each other were we that pretty soon we were of in a secluded part of the garden having a private chat. Within days we were dating and almost an eye blink later we were living together. We had varied interests but we enjoyed sharing those interests with each other
So that just made our dynamic work . Dinner parties and going out to events with her was so much fun
Sadly after three years we both realised that we were doomed to fail and one night we both sat down and admitted that for the best part of six months we had been trying to find a way of splitting up without hurting each other.
For several years after we saw very little of each other , as we both had to get our lives back on track
But thankfully we both maintained respect and a desire to be friends again . And some 10 years later I am happy to call her one of my true and dear friends
( she was after all the first person I came out to )

"Trevor"

One night many many years ago. Me and my then girlfriend both very much into the Gothic scene passed by a hotel called the " Gothic arms "
which it certainly wasn't the cool Gothic hive we were hoping for .Instead it was full of bikers and strippers

within minutes we stumbled across this little cafe open late at night
it was the "Witches Brew " adorned with brooms and black cats ( the edible kind in a big jar )and my memory says there was fake webs scattered around . or was that my place
This place was so cosily lit and the atmosphere had this strange mix of both welcoming and expectant
a group of girls in one corner and several couples having hushed conversations in little discreet alcoves
I must admit everyone stopped to stare at the oddly dressed couple me with my birds nest hairdo and her with long flowing red hair both of us pasty white and all in black
I think they were quite amused by us
As was the owner Trevor. within minutes we had formed this bizarre friendship based on our differences
it was much later after many nights spent at what will always be a place of beautiful memories
 That I realised the "witches Brew " was a place where gay and lesbians could meet and have a good meal without feeling uncomfortable in the then very closeted gay scene  
And I learnt a new found respect for people who back then were frowned upon
It was my first encounter with openly gender variant people and I soon discovered they are more amazing and lovely than the people I used to associate with

I even had my Birthday Dinner there in a secret room catered for by my lovely new friend
I still remember him and that place with fond and loving memories

"Renae"

Going back almost 11 years . I walked into a hairdressers with my long locks
As I made my booking I spied her and Asked if she could do my hair . To this day I still don't know why it had to be her . But it did
the best scalp massage I have ever received as she washed the excess shampoo out and with in minutes we were having a great chat while I let her have free reign with my precious hair . And with it she created a masterpiece that ensured every six weeks I would come back and only let Renae touch my hair. I have never been that trusting with my hair but with her The apprentice hairdresser I allowed her full control over both the cut and colour.
for nine years I never had another hairdresser touch my hair . Until she up and disappear to another state
Two years Later I find myself staring through a hairdressers window ,its her and she's back and for another three years She is still the only person who can have free range with my hair
Eventually we started a great friendship out of the salon where she came out to me about herself in a few weeks later I too her in a manner of speaking ( I really just told her I crossdress)and the last comment that rang in my head like an echo
" Don't transition ,you just wont make it with those large hands and feet "
I know she meant it as a caring comment as she genuinely cared for me and wanted the best for me
Two years ago I had to leave her behind in Adelaide as I had to move to become the real me
Her partner also didn't really like our friendship and it probably caused some friction
so not even being able to explain to her why I had to leave I was gone
Although I did end up sending her a lengthy letter as I t was the only way I could contact her and let her know why I had to leave
A year and a half later I get a response to a letter I had sent explain why I had to leave and how sad I was that I wasn't able to tell her in person


And now were up to date on three very important people in my life

Om the 22nd of December my boss handed me $500 dollars to hire a truck and take care of my storage problem back in Adelaide
Which gave me the perfect opportunity to see my parents . finally get rid of the 125 a week storage fee
a total of 10,000 dollars spent to keep my furniture and essential household items safe
Granted Christmas with my parents was a total failure of epic proportions leaving me feeling unworthy in there eyes and after the massive argument I stormed out leaving them to eat the turkey by themselves
funny how the told me it tasted like crap
Anyway enough about that


By the early hours of the 28th I had finished loading the huge truck full of all my worldly possessions and had the rest of the day to relax do my nails and hair ready for an event I have dreamed about for two years
OK so I wasn't coming out as trans as that had happened already ,

Now it was sort of my big reveal.

The venue we chose was a fairly new place " The Deli "   Just opposite a favourite bar " The wheatsheaf Hotel " Two awesome places I would recommend any one going to Adelaide visit It really was an old Deli revamped and turned into a ubber cool venue for a meal and gigs

Tracey and I arrived early and ordered drinks,within minutes Trevor who had met me once on one of his visits to Melbourne. I'm already happy to have these two special people here and although Tracey and Trevor have never met they are hitting it of quite well
Yay . I always love it when my friends like my friends

Ten minutes later Renae walks in and Her jaw dropped when she saw me. stunned and amazed at the transformation not only had I transitioned and developed my own real breasts
but gone was my beard shadow and the masculine facial expressions
replaced by a very happy and much more confident girl
Then she handed me a beautiful bunch of beautiful Orange roses and yet more compliments and hugs
She always had a way of making me feel so special, and that night was no exception
Renae of course was every bit the breathtaking beauty she had been the day we met both in looks and in spirit
and of course her hair just was perfect again

We did spend an awful amount of time catching up after all it has been two years of my life not being able to have her in my life ( sometimes partners need to step back and allow friends to be just that )
I know Trevor and Tracey Understood why we spent so much time catching up with each other an fawning over each other
eventually the waitress came up and advised we really should order if we wish to be fed before breakfast
30 minutes later we are enjoying sharing four delicious pizzas  and four way conversations
and yet more drinks
Sadly we had to call it a night and we all went our separate ways after much hugs and kisses

My Last night in Adelaide I really could not have spent in better company than the delightful characters I feel blessed to call my friends.
Now I am back in my new hometown looking forward to the chance of  introducing my wonderful Adelaide friends to my just as wonderful Melbourne friends


Looking Back on this last two years despite all the hurdles and obstacles I have had . I really would not wish it any other way
Finally I can say that I have found a true inner happiness and peace. The likes of which I have never felt before or even dreamed possible
And true friendships that are worthy of embracing and holding onto and nurturing


And somewhere in all that I just realised I really am living full-time

love you much

=^.^=

the Christmas work lunch

As the Christmas / coming out lunch drew ever closer . Instead of feeling daunted or feeling like maybe I shouldn't go never really entered my mind . Although I did detour to visit my Doctor to thank him for all the care he has given me this year, and a little trip to buy perfume and moisturiser .
So I arrived there fashionably late . and much to the surprise of everyone I arrived quite casually dressed in jeans, boots and a nice blue top that showed my shoulders. Armed with my favourite outfit and freshly styled hair. I was ready to show the true me to all
Charlie was the first to greet me still wearing a cap as always " Hi Alice how has your day been " . that pretty much set the tone for the day
everyone was so nice and friendly . Almost as if they knew how big a decision it was for me to be real with them all
of course I naturally gravitated to the girls table . I have always had better conversations with girls for obvious reasons. They were somewhat surprised to see me but with in minutes we were getting along fine and Maria asked a few pointed questions which I was only to happy to answer

Thomas(my boss) being the lout that he is thwacked my bra ,my response was to in my most put out voice ,claim that id have him for harassment . to which we all had a good laugh
I even got a peck on the cheek from one of the lads as I was leaving

No one there was surprised by me or my attire at all. So obviously they had all been waiting for me to be ready to come out in my own sweet time.
I am so looking forward to going back to work on the ninth as Alice and not having to look back at what could have been. Instead now I can at last relax totally and just be !

now I have another good reason to buy another Pandora charm  

 =^.^=

My last day at work as a ?

So finally I had my last day at work  presenting as something not quite female and definitely anything but  male
if the way I've been treated at job sites is true
Almost every time I get onto a site I am met with offers of help or winning smiles and confused looks
It's both nice and disconcerting at the same time . As its hard to read what they are thinking
So far no-one this year has been either  rude, vulgar and no one at any of the sites has seen fit to make nasty comments about the  trannie .
I did have some bad things happen last year . But I also had so many delightful experiences that they far out weighed both the bad experiences and what I had been led to believe a lonely and sad life
Something I was much prepared for but glad that I was so surprised at both the love and heartfelt respect I have received

today would have been a perfect sitcom
the day in the life of Alice as she battles with staff that have no clue how long it takes to get a job done let alone get there and back
it really was one poorly orchestrated mishap after another . and yes I totally lost my cool and put my fist through a wall at work
Something I haven't done in many years not proud of it , but yes I had a tanty and there was not a tantrum mat in sight

Out of the Seven jobs on my list today not even one went right
From not being told the colour paint to pick up and being supplied white instead of off white (YaY)
Or the shower that I had to both build on site and spend three hours driving for
To the very large thick glass panel that not only was a pain to manoeuvre up three flights of stairs instead of the advised One . but also it  had been measured wrong so we had to get it back down into the van lugging  a Fifty kilo panel is hard enough with out having to wend it up through a narrow stairwell

 But In one way I leave this Year of work , Secure in a job with beautiful caring and loving people who acknowledge the fact I am very good at my job . but respect and understand the fact that transition for me is not a choice but a decision based on both my physical and mental well being
And as such have asked me on more than one occasion " When (not if ) I'm going to go full time "
and as such are helping me to make the transition smoother

If you think I love the job and people I work with you would be correct

Even when its as crazy as today was , I still have never had as much love and respect as I have had this last two years since I first moved here to begin anew

And as of next year I will finally be able to pick up the phone and say
" FlexiRobes, Alice Paige  speaking"


 January the Ninth I come back as Alice Renae Paige full time , no more will I have to use my old name again I so can't wait and whats even better my name change and gender marker will be updated also
so it will be official I'm a girl and I'm also really named "Alice"

Mwah love you all so much
Have a fantastic Christmas
love laugh and enjoy your time

=^.^=

It's The Final Countdown

With just Two days 13 hours 43 minutes and  11..10.. 9..7..... seconds remaining
Till I finally bust free from this prison of my own doing
no more will I be required to answer by my male name at work
no longer will I have to question the puzzled looks I get at the job sites and wonder how much do they know or do they care

December the 23rd at the staff Christmas breakup I finally get to reveal all of me
Well OK not that much
But the opportunity to show my real self as Alice is something I long for more than air itself
I am sure it will be bizarre for some of the workers from the other factory, even though they obviously have formed their own ideas about my gender and gender preference
(even I don't have an answer for preference yet ) right now I'm just happy to be in love with people



Ive already decided to go for a nice casual look for the dinner ,as I see no benefit in glamming up in sequins and feather boas . I think that would work against me
I just hope they realise that they are free to ask any question as long as its not too rude
Best of all they get three weeks holiday to adjust .

Its such a tiny thing . But I'm really looking forward to next year being able to answer the office phone and say
"Flexi Robes Alice Paige.. speaking"


tick tock...tick tock.....tick Tock

Getting ready for fulltime

It's funny to think that only two years ago. Back when I was living in Adelaide. I was afraid to go out of the confines of my house dressed as the girl I felt I was inside
My first venture out was to my ex's house wearing my favourite boots and my corset under my male clothes
purely to let her know that I'm changing and to test the waters as to Whether she would still respect me once she found out  about my true self
It seems so foolish now looking back , the excuses of her washing machine being  broken was more a convenient way of her letting my try her clothes on for size so that I could get a better idea of what types of clothing worked for me and the sizes I needed to order
I was still very much in the closet and the thought of walking into a shop ,even under the guise of I'm getting this for a friend , filled me with dread so all my purchases were on eBay or online departments . So you can just imagine the number of items that looked good on display either didn't fit or looked totally ridiculous on me

And here I am now at the point of bursting to go full time as my true self
At work most people have a fair idea that their is something very different about me , most think I'm effeminate or gay .
some actually know the truth of things and have been most accepting towards me and are comfortable enough to make wisecracks and  jokes  nothing bad , one wisecrack  was in reference to a work BBQ , where I was warned away from the BBQ as its a man's domain , "get back into the kitchen and make salad"..

Lately my bosses asked me again when am I planning on going full-time and who do I want to know my real name.I've always convinced myself it will be next year in February . But lately I have been going to work wearing foundation mixed into my sun-block and a little powder and so far no one has said anything about it
and I have always worn my bracelets to work ,  But the big surprise for me  was last Monday I woke up and got dressed in my normal work wear yet as I was getting ready to leave I realised I had also put on a bra without really thinking about it , It was only then that I knew that February is a long way away ,I'm so not going to make it that far . I have now decided that in three weeks time I want to do my name change and start working wholly as Alice , It will be strange yes  as most of my clients are involved with the construction and renovating of development properties. so a very blokey world

Having said its a blokey environment , here I am walking in and its quite obvious that certain visual aspects are sending the cues to most of the tradies brains that I'm not really a male .
I have never in Eight years of shop-fitting  had anyone offer to help with one tool box let alone cumbersome items.
I did find one site in particularly amusing every day I was there at least two macho tradies offered assistance . And more friendly comments than I would normally expect
Maybe its a Victorian thing.

So finally today November the 9th 2011.
I actually let my boss know that I have been thinking about bringing forward my full-time date
or as he likes to call it , the Alice stops cross-dressing like a man date
So I think late this week or early next week my two bosses and The HR manager will be chatting about the best way to enable me to live full-time. And the best method for informing all the other people at the company . in a way that they feel comfortable
I'm expecting it to be where they can have it explained to them in an environment where I'm not there, so they can feel comfortable expressing their thoughts without me present and without having to censer their comments , then I will be available at another time if they would like to ask questions or find out more information from me

so my original date of February 2012 has been amended by the ever present slippery slope