The Pill

28 years ago, at the tender age of 14
I had no idea what to call it and yet  deep down I knew that a part of me was hiding waiting to get out.
Secreting into my mums closet and trying on her dowdy clothing, the thrill I would experience non the less filled me with fleeting joy, until I happened to see my reflection a foul and hideous creature that taunted me as I realised my fate was to be ugly, male and despicable.

For nearly two years I had been weekly trying on my Mothers clothing and shoes and for all that time my reflection continued to taunt me.
At such a young age and not having access to the Internet or the knowledge to find the answers in a library, I was stumbling around in the dark with no hint of light to guide me.
Strange that even then I knew deep in my heart that I knew I never wanted to be a boy, and that my saviour would be to get on the pill. my logic to this was simple:
girls take the pill,
girls have breasts
girls are pretty
So therefore if I get the pill I too can be a girl
and be pretty and have breasts
Alas not knowing how to approach a doctor and say please I need the pill I need to be the girl, I was meant to be, for two more years I failed to understand and not surprisingly I never got the pill

One day as I rifled through my brothers room I came across a mighty treasure.
Trans-sex climax
even then, the term meant nothing to me
yet these images inside, goddesses with large male appendages spoke so clearly to me.
these beautiful women were exactly who i dreamed of being. to many times to count i would sneak away this golden book and read the stories and fantasise for just a while that it was me that was being worshipped
by their lovers
Finally I had a name to put to the feelings that have plagued me so long Transsexual.
Looking at them these goddesses I realised I could never be like them with their beautiful faces and curvaceous bodies, so perfectly female except for that one difference.
I could never be like them I believed, after all they were born this way weren't they

 It wasn't till much later, after many years of snow-dropping my neighbours clothes lines and an embarrassing collection of magazines that I discovered that my assumptions were wrong, these girls had been born with male bodies, its just that they had found where to get the pill. And it took me many more years to realise that their bodies were in part due to cosmetic surgery as well.

Fast forward to 31 years old. I have the Internet and can know at last, discover how and what caused these girls I adored so to have the curves and the features of a beautiful woman
So much misinformation to wade through on my journey of understanding. And so many shattered dreams later I finally discovered my holy grail
A site dedicated to helping troubled souls find the knowledge and vital information about "The Pill "
At last I cry briefly, until I discover that without surgery I will still see that same face and that same ugly body taunting me and ridiculing me for being so male and so hideous

Here I am yearning with all my heart to be the beauty in the fairytale, yet I'm forever doomed to be the repulsive beast and never the beauty I dream of being.

And then  finally a break. I happened to come across two amazing people who not only shared with me their stories, but their before and after pictures also. neither of these two girls have had cosmetic surgery yet and nor do they need any. Finally it all clicks into place that yes I can be that girl I dream of being
maybe not as buxom and plastic but a girl.

So 28 years later and I am on "The Pill", OK so not quite the pill  I was thinking of back then, but something better and much more effective, And I am now that girl that longed for freedom all those years ago.

Free at last, just to be me.

Working creatively

Having gained a wealth of knowledge from my many years in the shopfitting industry.

Building something as simple as a small kiosk in a shopping mall, fitting out major retail outlets across Australia. And performing complete renovations to to office buildings, to the tenant's designs. Sometimes in such a way as to keep the office in general operational. This is difficult yet not impossible, it just needs a bit of planning and forethought

lately I have been called upon by a friend, to design and manufacture overhead cabinets in their kitchen, and to modify their counter top for so they could install their new oven. I'm pleased to say they love the way my cabinets have cleaned up what was, not a user friendly design.

My current project sees me quoting for a clothing store that I regularly buy my wardrobe items from.
All in all it is quite an extensive make over comprising of:

two new change-rooms,

a free standing mirror

and 

extra hanging rails to the back of the change-rooms.

And this is just stage one.

Stage two will see me constructing several office partitions from the floor up, and remodelling their staff kitchen.  

As I sat designing the layout and the various fixtures, I remembered what is I enjoy so much about my work.
Its seeing the smiling face of another happy customer, yes I like the money too obviously

Its a great feeling to know that I still possess a talent and to see that all my skills are still as sharp as they were years ago. now all I need to do is learn how to sell myself.