In the hopes that she would understand and accept me for the person that I truly am . And I m happy to say she still loves me and really enjoys the times we do catch up these days .
I spent so many years running from my fears all for nothing
so here it is that part of my big reveal
There is something I have been struggling with though . And I have wanted to tell you for a long while now . and it is the real reason I moved to Melbourne. you already know about my fetish for shoes and corsets etc..
but it is more than that , I have known for such a long time that I am truly unhappy with who I am ,and my desire to change that has been so strong , its the main reason I've held people at a huge distance for so long .Its also the reason people just don't really get me .
Its the reason I don't look after myself why I'm overweight and why I sometimes can't stand to look at my face in the mirror without cringing. And yes I went through this phase for many years, when I was fourteen and confused so it doesn't surprise me.
its so overpowering for me that I'm in tears just writing about it , and I fear how you will react considering your past experiences.
I have realised over the last five plus years that my infatuation with women is more involved than wanting to be with them ,I see a beautiful woman and I imagine how it would be to be her ,not for a day like a normal fantasy.
For the last fourteen months I have been actively reducing my testosterone levels to that of a natal female ,they were never that high to begin with . that was all those hair pills I was using.And since I left Adelaide I have been injection Oestrogen into my system to further enhance my transition from male to female. It really is the most amazing feeling to finally tell someone you care for so deeply the truth. And as much as your possible reaction scares me I have no choice but to tell you, because you have always meant so much to me for all the right reasons.
I know it seems weird ,but my confidence levels are through the roof these days .And I cant remember ever being as happy as I am now .Its a huge roller coater ride of emotions at times but I expected that at the beginning of my journey anyway.
I even have a pen-pal in Sydney "Andrea" who is going through the same transition as me, just a year advanced , its been really helpful to finally have someone to tell my secret too and too have as a friend and mentor .
there has been so many changes to me already ,
I feel more expressive which I love , I hated being uncommunicative when all I wanted to do was share , but I feared showing the real me to anybody. I feel I can know communicate with almost anybody without the fear stopping me.
And more importantly I am actually starting to love myself more , I'm finally able to accept who I am, and embrace the real me . I don't cringe all the time when I look in the mirror in fact I seem to catch myself smiling more than I can ever remember
yes their are the normal expected changes associated wit having a second puberty , you have already been through that yourself so I wont bore you with the details, unless you really want to know
My body shape is staring to slowly change as the oestrogen causes fat redistribution from the typical male areas to the typical female areas. and my skin and hair has started to change already softer skin all over ,even the scared knees are getting soft and less scaly , the body hair is reduced and finer and I am noticing visible regrowth at my scalp.I'm so looking forward to losing the receding hairline look.
Also both my feet and hands appear smaller visually, and by measurement I am down a whole shoe size already and i expect to lose another this year
Telling you, Is the hardest thing for me to do. And I hope you wont be too shocked by it , but its about being true to you and myself and those that I hold dear. I just wish I was strong enough to tell you in person or on the phone , I just think I would breakdown if I tried.
I really am so happy now ,I hope you can be to
I really hope we can continue to be friends
If you want to reply , Please not to this account ,as it this one is not the real me .
please reply to
that's my real name and my real persona
lots of love
Alice
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