Days

There are days where I'm certain and sure of who I am and the positive impact I have been lucky to both receive and imbue on others
Days where I know only to well what has to be done , said or given to make a difference in someone else's life

And then there are days like today
where I just feel so lost and helpless that I forget everything I have learnt this last few years
and wish nothing more than to curl up into a tight ball and be forgotten
unfortunately now this is how I have felt for weeks
all I do is go to work have a small sunny moment then come back home and hide in bed till the next day begins
surrounded by the detritus of cups of tea and cake .

I fear sometimes if I didn't have to work I would never come out again
And yet I'm supposed to be strong and show just how much of a successful  a woman I am

I don't believe I'm any of these things any more
 At times I realise just how weak and powerless I really am
I even realise that my list of true friends keeps shrinking as more people realise just what a waste of space I have become (the original oxygen thief )

I don't want to go to work ,I don't want to go out and right now I really don't want to exist
I'm just lucky that I'm either to weak or to pig headed to end it