Each morning I wake and wonder why.
Every night I wake in cold sweats as from a nightmare and question "what"
Why after eight years of keeping every one away from my heart ,did I allow you to sidestep every defence I had in place.
My safe but cold prison, a tower of solitude
What was I to you . A passing dalliance or play toy
I feel more like the half dead mouse that a cat would play with tossing up into the air until it was bored, then sniffed once and left to rot under the lounge.
Or was it like so many other relationships I've had where my love for you was too intense to handle .
I've never understood relationships and usually either give to much or care to little. Either way the result is much the same.
It's now been 391 days since we last held each other and kissed, yet it feels like a life-time away of been hidden away like something to be embarrassed about, the raggedy doll you used to hug and love yet now with torn arms and missing one eye, lying forgotten at the bottom of your toy chest.
As I sit here at "1000 £ Bend cafe", waiting for my little sister to arrive. I fear and dread that you may be here as some form of punishment for having loved you so much. Would you finally tell me why, or would you just ignore me and once again make me feel worthless and unlovable.
At least the chai tea here is excellent.
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