This has been bought on by a series of events out of my control. Yes part of that has been the severe depression I have faced this last few years and some major personal upsets outside of the work arena
However
At work when I came back on the 9th of January, as Alice full-time no longer having to hide behind boy clothes and a boys name. I took over the the day to day running of the office and still found time to fulfil my Shower installation commitments. Taking each of my duties as a separate duty, and performing them all with a sense of renewed pride for both myself and the company. this lasted for Two months until they decided to summarily replace me with someone from the other factory. As you would expect I was not pleased with this decision at all. As I had after all over the last year invested close to
500 hours of extra and unpaid work hours.
All in an attempt to improve the company profile, and also to secure my eventual position as the "Manager".
A role I was looking forward to performing as it would allow me to withdraw from the installation side and focus on building the company into a worthy venture.
Needless to say my attention and commitment soon after began to wane. And mistakes were becoming a regular feature as I found my self losing faith in my skills and an increased apathy towards the companies best interests. Yes I owned up to my mistakes( all of them ) but the odd thing is I found that I was being blamed for all the mistakes that went on in the factory, and quicker than you can say "swiss-cheese" I was getting blamed for everything
Shortly after my van, that I used to install with broke down and became un-drivable, I found myself in the office being told your fired , no formal written warning no recourse on offer to me , just go take your broken van and go
Now over a month later as I struggle to keep up with the bills and try to run my own business without a working van. I discover that I am still being blamed and held responsible for the continuing problems at my old workplace ,most recently ,apparently I somehow sneaked in and altered all the cut-sheet programs so that nothing would fit correctly. (in fact one of the showers I bought of them since I was fired refused to fit without a lot of coaxing and nice words spoken )_
I wonder now how much longer it will be before they realise that they were instrumental in affecting my confidence and judgement in a negative manner. And just how many of those mistakes were not actually even mine in the first place.
Even now I find myself second guessing my natural talent and skills that I have learnt over the years. And ask myself how much longer it will be, before I learn to trust my judgement and skill again
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