That Black Dress

After Having spent A fantastic Friday and Saturday with my great friend Ina
I always find that time spent with her to be restorative for me
we chatted  the whole night and shared our music loves ,oh and bitched about our friends
I never realised that she loved progressive trance and dance music as much as me
we bopped around and surprisingly managed to go empty three bottles of good wine
eventually we had to go to sleep, or risk looking like trash the next morning
The poor thing found out that I still grind my teeth at night ,although now its more like a squeaking mouse
than two rocks grinding away
Saturday I was welcomed in to the new day with breakfast in bed that could feed a family
and even after that she asked if I was ready for bacon and eggs
I have to wonder who was paying her to feed me yet more fat pills
After she drove around all the sites of her town and the port areas and feed me the bacon and eggs that had been proffered before ,oh my god it was yummy
scrambled egg bacon on home-made bread with sweet tomatoes drizzled on top
Simple yes but yummy
I had a truly wonderful time

Foremost in my mind all week has been the fact that Christine was having a party this Saturday night
and knew that my recent spate of panic attacks would prevent me from attending
which I know annoyed her more than she would admit

So it was a surprise that with 20 minutes left of my one and a half hour drive, I find myself selecting the bottle of wine I will take to the party
Its seems the allure of my black dress was telling me go have fun and see your friends
So after having commuted one and a half hours in the rain I was getting ready four yet another two hour return journey
As I sneaked up the stairs I spied my beautiful friend and gave her a big hug , she seemed a bit surprised I had made it as she knew how many problems I have been having lately . My dress glittered and sparkled like a glitter ball all I need now is to be able to dance like Moloko "sing it back"

One day i might actually find someone who can make me that dress and cap . its a basic flapper dress but Ive never seen the right reflective material


I even got to meet Kendall at last. He was in the kitchen as usual cooking up a storm of delicious nibbles for us all to eat . Then I did the rounds and re-introduced myself just in case some of them had forgotten who I was
 The Atmosphere was nice and cosy but I still found myself feeling like an outsider looking in. But I was still felt good enough to try and entice the crowd to try more of Kendall's delightful food
As I made my rounds to say goodbye not even an hour and a half later . I was happy just to have got their at all , as it means I'm not allowing my fears to swamp me and return me to the hermit lifestyle I lived for so many years ( Seven years of just working eighty hours a week and hiding at home ) Its not really what I consider living
Its ironic really. As I'm out loud and proud in my normal day to day life, and have had little problem being accepted and happily answer questions about my gender identity issues. Yet when it comes to social events  I have become a little timid and shy of late. Something I'm working on but it will take time and a few more failures im sure