the letter to Tracey

this is part of the letter that I wrote to my ex and friend Tracey
In the hopes that she would understand and accept me for the person that I truly am . And I m happy to say she still loves me and really enjoys the times we do catch up these days .
I spent so many years running from my fears all for nothing
so here it is that part of my big reveal

There is something I have been struggling with though . And I have wanted to tell you for a long while now . and it is the real reason I moved to Melbourne. you already know about my fetish for shoes and corsets etc..

but it is more than that , I have known for such a long time that I am truly unhappy with who I am ,and my desire to change that has been so strong , its the main reason I've held people at a huge distance for so long .Its also the reason people just don't really get me .

Its the reason I don't look after myself why I'm overweight and why I sometimes can't stand to look at my face in the mirror without cringing. And yes I went through this phase for many years, when I was fourteen and confused so it doesn't surprise me.

its so overpowering for me that I'm in tears just writing about it , and I fear how you will react considering your past experiences.

I have realised over the last five plus years that my infatuation with women is more involved than wanting to be with them ,I see a beautiful woman and I imagine how it would be to be her ,not for a day like a normal fantasy.

For the last fourteen months I have been actively reducing my testosterone levels to that of a natal female ,they were never that high to begin with . that was all those hair pills I was using.And since I left Adelaide I have been injection Oestrogen into my system to further enhance my transition from male to female. It really is the most amazing feeling to finally tell someone you care for so deeply  the truth. And as much as  your possible reaction scares me I have no choice but to tell you, because you have always meant so much to me for all the right reasons.

I know it seems weird ,but my confidence levels are through the roof these days .And I cant remember ever being as happy as I am now .Its a huge roller coater ride of emotions at times but I expected that at the beginning of my journey anyway.

I even have a pen-pal in Sydney "Andrea" who is going through the same transition as me, just a year advanced , its been really helpful to finally have someone to tell my secret too and too have as a friend and mentor .

there has been so many changes to me already ,

I feel more expressive which I love , I hated being uncommunicative when all I wanted to do was share , but I feared showing the real me to anybody. I feel I can know communicate with almost anybody without the fear stopping me.

And more importantly I am actually starting to love myself more , I'm finally able to accept who I am, and embrace the real me . I don't cringe all the time when I look in the mirror in fact I seem to catch myself smiling more than I can ever remember

yes their are the normal expected changes associated wit having a second puberty , you have already been through that yourself so I wont bore you with the details, unless you really want to know

My body shape is staring to slowly change as the oestrogen causes fat redistribution from the typical male areas to the typical female areas. and my skin and hair has started to change already softer skin all over ,even the scared knees are getting soft and less scaly , the body hair is reduced and finer and I am noticing visible regrowth at my scalp.I'm so looking forward to losing the receding hairline look.

Also both my feet and hands appear smaller visually, and by measurement I am down a whole shoe size  already and i expect to lose another this year

Telling you, Is the hardest thing for me to do. And I hope you wont be too shocked by it , but its about being true to you and myself and those that I hold dear. I just wish I was strong enough to tell you in person or on the phone , I just think I would breakdown if I tried.

I really am so happy now ,I hope you can be to

I really hope we can continue to be friends

If you want to reply , Please not to this account ,as it this one is not the real me .

please reply to

alicepaige@ymail.com

that's my real name and my real persona

 lots of love

Alice

my first photos

HI  these are old photo's taken when I lived in Adelaide.

my beloved home for 15 years

I know its a bad photo ,so please  forgive mefor the poor quality. But i miss my walk in wardrobe so much
I had a whole big  room with clothes on three sides and 

massive mirrors anywhere I could make them fit 

It was so nice i didn't ever want to move from Adelaide

but if I didn't I  would never have begun my transition there,
for fear of being judged by everyone I knew.

Its all a bit stupid really as my ex girlfriend and still my best friend seemed to already know that I was going to transition well before i even allowed myself to admit it . she used to bring her clothes around under the pretense of needing to wash them and leave them for weeks before picking them up , I'm just glad we were about the same size .

at least she didn't have to call me a bitch for stretching her clothes out of shape

 

I eventually got around to telling Tracey in a very long letter 

that took me days to right as I kept breaking into tears 

with every page . I will post a copy of that part if you want to

read it.

the initial response was to let me know she always knew in 

some way that I would eventually transition .It was still a while 

before she was able to use my name and not the name 

assigned for me at birth .she now treats me as Alice 

all the time now

But know she tells all our mutual friends that I am now Alice.

And so far the response I have received from them 

has been overwhelmingly supportive to say the least

. I was always more of a girl than most of my girlfriends 

anyway. so most people thought I was  just confused

 or gay .

Now that im finally being real with everyone I find it a bit easier 

to connect with people as I no longer hide who I am 

anymore .So I am all of a sudden realizing how beautiful people really are

when you can be honest with them 

As for the clothes in the photo my favorite wiggle skirt made with think supple satin 

it will fit much better now though . and a poorly made ruffled blouse that was

a little on the small side but at least worked . 

And yes I know I need to work on my posing for photos

                       this is still my favourite photo of me so far , I have a long journey ahead of

                       me but this photo actually gives me courage and hope for my future . 

if you took the time to read my post thankyou , and a big hug for you 

Alice