Alice's journey into womanhood: 07/01/2012

Desperately seeking a new start

Sunday night or early Monday morning

Having fallen asleep once more on the couch, I groggily get ready to stumble to my bed and foolishly I decide to watch one of the two remaining Hayao Miyazaki movies I have yet to watch,
Ponyo and Whisper of the heart ( which I'm kind of watching now )

Yes That’s me on the right

So why is that instead of enjoying this cute movie and its message that love will find you , all I can do is sob and cry into my pillow instead, something that this movie isn't directly causing causing at all.
Its the memories that they bring back to a time where I did nothing but smile and exude joy that I freely shared with those close to me. the moments of love that I thought I had shared with someone so special to me. memories of our outings come flooding back like a Polaroid snapshot.
My special day in Federation square where I felt truly alive and loved

Strange how my memories are so bitter sweet, as I remember how easily she breached the walls I had held onto for so long and made herself comfortable inside my heart. Only to leave without a word when she was satisfied at how much damage was done and through with uses for me .
Today so many months later I still find my self feeling lonely, cold and hollow inside like someone has replaced my heart with ice blocks. No longer do I want to go out with my friends anymore, and at times I wonder why they would want me around at all anyway, I'm felling tattered and worn, longing only for sleep to take me away from my pain.

Somewhere in the last few months I have lost sight of who I am and where I'm going. And yet I still stumble around in the dark going through the motions but not really being here. Living but not really alive.Dying and not really caring.

Chloe

Not long after arriving in Melbourne and settling into a sharehouse in Footscray, or otherwise known as
" Foot Scary". I struck up a online friendship with someone from "Trannyradio"
(its an online resource and connection site)

We would regularly chat and discus shopping and numerous other topics . eventually we went from chatting on line and texting to arranging to meet up at a pup in town for a drink. We decided on meeting at the Young &Jackson hotel,made famous for "Chloe" a portrait of a rubenesque young girl something that I have wanted to see for so long

http://www.stevezervos.com/chloe.htm

Click the link for more details about the painting and its history

The history behind "Chloe" the Painting, "Marie" the muse and the hotel all share such a colourful history that no one could easily separate the two. so iconic is this art work that at one stage it was sold and removed only to be bought by a benefactor and returned to its rightful place. Almost everyone I know would find it difficult to separate the three

Still living very much in boy mode at the time. I walked in and was greeted by my friend Peter and a girl he had just met that day. All three of us were getting on famously and both of them soon began to quiz my history and plans for the future, About an hour later I realised that they had both stopped calling me by my boy name and were now using she and her as pronouns and calling me Alice. I couldn't stop blushing as we chatted even though it felt right and natural.
It was a first for me, being respected as a person regardless of my Gender status/preference and it was a truly wonderful experience.

Charlotte and myself got on so well I must admit I was totally in awe of her style, a sort of semi gothic mixed in with that unique Melbourne style. I still remember her dragging me of to the female toilets, where she pulled out her mascara and did my eyes then she messed with my hair and clipped it with a gothic styled cameo clip. Charlotte latter confided in me that she was intersexed, and could easily understand the mental anguish that I was going through. As she too had spent many years coming to terms with herself as an intersexed person

All these years later I still find myself thinking of Peter and Charlotte and that day, with a big smile spreading across my face. I so enjoyed that day in the sun. My first day being called by my real name.
I still have that cameo clip in my memories box.
And with all the excitement of that day I never did get to see "Chloe"

First encounter

Finally the day of days I have been waiting for
The 20th of March 2010.
I had spent the whole morning trying to find the right combination of clothes that would give the right impression.
Not easy to do when all my favourite clothes are in a box locked up 880km's, and my bank balance was looking seriously anaemic.
The lovely young lady at Target was so helpfully she could tell I was a bit nervous and helped me find some items that would work, I was surprised that by the time I was at the checkout paying for my new ensemble I was feeling more comfortable with the glances I was receiving as all they saw was a man buying women's clothing, when in reality there never was a man.

Back home for a hot shower and shave off the remaining hairs not yet obliterated by laser.
Then a quick coffee before I tackled my hair and makeup.
Was I really doing this. Surely it was just a dream the same as before
But no the shocked expressions and smiles from my three housemates all of whom knew there was something going on, although non of them had the full story. And up till now had not seen this side of me.
The Greek security guard who I thought being an alpha male would freak out smiled and wished me luck once he could draw breath again. And the landladies daughter gave me a big hug and again wished me luck.

So here am I driving for the first time as the real me and more importantly at last meeting with a group of Transgender women for the first time
I should clarify that up till this night I had never knowingly had a conversation in person with another Transperson.
The whole drive which only took 45 minutes yet felt so much longer was surreal, I was giddy with excitement of what tonight might bring, And as nervous as I was my face was just a grin, finally I get to meet my peers and maybe even learn a thing or to about myself

I pulled up down the street and had a cigarette to steel my nerves, then brushed my teeth and rinsed with Mouthwash to hide the evidence,
Nervously I made it to the door and.....rung the bell. John the host answered the door and invited me in.upon entering the lounge room I was meet by a lovely diverse group of normal people just having conversations and sharing drinks and nibbles.
I know what was I expecting right
Before to long I have met almost all of them bar one , her she scared me, no I'm not saying she was hideous, on the contrary she was gorgeous and had a fire in her eye.
I Remember clearly two young couples all four transgender, I gained some great insights from them and learnt some things I had never even given any thought to.
Even though I was new to the group I was welcomed into their family with open hearts and arms
I can't recall ever having felt so accepted in all my life.

So this day was Alice's first day out,and also my first ever proper chance to get to know who I am.
So many chances before I had hidden away avoided to question and point blank lied or my friends. And now the 20th of March will forever be the beginning of the end for him and the beginning of a new and exciting life living the way I had always dreamed

Today, Two Years later I have the most supporting friends I could ever dream of
I've fallen madly in love, and madly rejected as well
Today after 28 years of slowly realising who and what I am, I'm now living full time in my chosen role.
I know we all say "I wish I'd done this sooner" but "you don't take the souffle out of the oven before its ready "

Looking back at the journey so far I have been blessed with wonderful old friends who have and still respect and love me. And new friends that have always been their for me, the me that is the real me

My emotional life is still that crazy roller-coaster ride, It seems that will never change, but what's happiness if you've never been sad
At least now the ride doesn't give me those cursed migraines anymore.

To all my friends,
I love you all More than you can imagine , if it wasn't for you I would not be the woman I am today

Laser Girl

The very first thing I did once I finally moved to Melbourne

well the first thing after finding a new job, was to find a therapist to help remove more hairs from my face.

Just by chance I stumbled across Lily. Lily effectively removed even more hairs than I dreamed possible.

In fact one evening as I was doing my wash and scrub, I noticed all these black bits on my hands

It was 1000's of dead hairs falling out into my face wash.I mean I've noticed this happening before but nothing as dramatic as that. Such a good feeling to be even closer to being hair free.

Laser Girl Lily

Lily my 'laser girl" is highly professional and very understanding to the special needs of members of the Transgender community, both in hair removal needs and simple act of giving respect to a person

If your considering Laser to kick start to hair removal process I could recommend Lily every time

She can also fix a variety of sins from sun damage to pigmentation to scars from acne and abuse

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Advanced-Laser-Aesthetic-at-Broadmeadows-Medical-Centre/348534175171616

Find us on Facebook

Advanced Laser & Aesthetic at Broadmeadows Medical Centre
Come visit us for a hair free, smoother skin!
We are pioneers in laser hair removal, acne scars, wrinkle reduction, and medical skin resurfacing.

We only use medical grade lasers not beauty IPL’s.
We'll have you hair free & younger looking in no time.

Call for a free consultation:

9338 8050
or 0413 339 339

Address: 332 Camp Road,,

Broadmeadows,

VIC. 3047

640 hairs off the wall

Having tried a local lady for electrolysis mainly because she was local and reasonably cheap seeing that I would get full body waxing, eyebrows and electrolysis for under $200 a go.
Unfortunately she is getting older and her hands have the shakes, not what you need considering the intimacy of the work she performed
and yes I have the damage to prove it which will now cost me a $1000 to repair it

Needless to say now I get my Electrolysis with Andrea from

Just ASK permanent Hair Removal.

I know its supposed to be painful but compared to my other hair removal methods I've tried, its fairly pain free

It does however fell weird to have 16 needles in and passing current to the destroying roots

but I soon got used to that.
Time seemed to be at a stand still as I lay there counting holes in the ceiling and play dot to dot, creating all manner of mythical beings. Even now I have no idea how long I lay there

And I love the fact that at the end of a session she can actually say I've destroyed 640 hairs

That's 640 hairs I wont have to worry about again.

Yipee

I can from experience with other methods of hair removal over the years, quite happily recommend that any one interested in removing those pesky unwanted hairs to pay Andrea a visit.

Not because she's a member of our community, but because she is in my opinion excellent at her profession

Just ASK permanent Hair Removal

Leaders in multi needle electrolysis for permanent hair removal in both men and women.

Electrolysis is the only method of permanent hair removal on any type of hair.

Just Ask specialise in multi-needle electrolysis to remove hair from any part of the body including:

Face - Chest - Back - Under Arms - Shoulders - Arms and Legs

If you are serious about effectively removing hair permanently - Just ask!

Using only the best system and method of delivering a more efficient way of permanent hair removal with significantly less pain.

Owned and operated by Andrea and Susan,

Andrea herself a member of our trans community and Susan her loving wife.

By appointment only...

Email: justask.hairremoval@facebook.com
Phone 0419 037 699
Clinic Address
3 / 134 Ayr Street
Doncaster, VIC 3106

IPL (intense pain light)

Ok so its not that bad
but it does sting

After finally deciding that yes I will transition, I decided that the very first thing I should do is get rid of my "Desperate Dan Beard"

No one really likes a girl with whiskers that could strip the paint of a door
not to mention having a blue beard shadow is less than flattering and sure to get picked up on while your casually sipping a beverage at the bar.

It seemed to take me ages to get the courage up to phone Rubesque beauty spa to make an appointment

yet as soon as Rubi answered my call,all my fears vanished and after a lovely chat I made my first booking

for the following evening

It was a rather strange feeling when I first entered Rubesque Beauty Spa. Essentially its an old house, that from the front looks respectable enough, but not something that advertises itself as a beauty spa.

Well was I ever shocked went I walked through the door, and that was the first of many surprises

as I ohhed and ahhed as I was lead through to the waiting room. The smells and beautiful furniture would not be out of place in a

Hotel.

Rubi and myself had a big chat discussing my hair removal and facial rejuvenation needs, and we came up with a plan that would remove those pesky whiskers and leave me with healthy radiant skin.

For the best part of two years I would count down the weeks till my next appointment, where in between zaps we would just natter and have a great time. I know hard to believe when every second there's another flick of a rubber band in your face.At the end of the treatment she always gave me a mini facial to soothe the irritation from IPL.

To me Rubi was the sister I never had, and the confidant I had always wanted in my life.

Even all these years later I miss my monthly appointment with my Rubi, followed by a night in so my skin could heal from the trauma of intense pulse light therapy

I'm sure Rubi knew or had an idea as to what was going on in my life, even though I never told her back then. But I never once felt like she treated me as a male.

You can see by the stripes. how effective IPL has been in removing my unwanted bristles.