Acceptance

I thought I had finished coming out to all my clients and had clean forgotten about at least one, That was until today when one of them phoned me this morning asking if I could measure up a shower for him

Phil has known me only as Jason for over a year now , but I think really hes always known there's something a little different about me, but he's never questioned me about it, even though he has seen my changes as periodic  snapshots so each development has been a bit more obvious for him, than those who I work with every day

He is one of my fairly regular clients. And knows that I always provide him with the best service and product
and as such never quibbles about price . I fact he never bothers to call at the office anymore as he knows he gets the best service by calling me direct.

Today we greeted as usual with a handshake and a quick catch up about what we've been up to
This is the moment when I let him know I have changed my name
his response was   " I had better update my contact list then"

The part that really shocked me though was when he was rang the client for entry
without even a thought in one sentence
" Myself and Alice are here to measure up
  Yes,  she does excellent work "
he referred to me as Alice and She without even thinking about it.
and all I could say was "Thankyou"


Even Colin at work admits he has trouble with referring to me as She, and even with clients he will say
"Alice can help you with that,  I'll get him to call you"
He even went on to state today when I asked him about that
" When you get your outy turned into in inny, I'll call you she "
I cant really fault him for that line of thought. I know he respects me as a person and that matters more to me than anything
I am looking forward to the day that I can finally afford to have my body totally in line with how I feel
and seeing so many of my friends having just had there surgeries or are only mere months away makes me more excited that in two years I might finally be able to afford both My facial feminisation surgeries and my own gender affirmation. excited just thinking about it

So to all my friends who have just had theirs or are just about to  " Bitch"   lol
seriously so happy for you all

Who do I believe

A few of my friends have told me that I am far more passable than I believe I am
and that twisted shy scared and self doubting voice in my head always tells me

" there just being nice dear "
" your not really passable at all"

And me being me, I just blush smile and wish the words were true
I still see so many flaws when I look in the mirror. I'm not expecting it to shatter and explode into small shards from the hideous creature it tries to reflect
But I still so much room for improvement , I could list them all but I would bore you to tears

Yet almost all of the people I meet in my day to day working life, rarely even bat an eyelid when I introduce myself.
"HI I'm Alice   And I will be installing your Shower?mirror etc"

They are nothing but polite and interested in seeing the fruits of my labour
And just this week one of my clients was explaining on the phone to his customer

"She recommends you go for this style of shower  ,Alice also ......."

Hes only met me the once and the simple fact I'm a transgender girl doesn't even rate a thought



Then just today I'm all the way out at Wallan to install a shower on a building site .
next thing I hear one of the tradies Shout and curse and swear because someone stole all the doors he was meant to install from the garage (hour and a bit drive to find you cant work ,would annoy even the gentlest of souls )
As he walks around the corner he sees me quietly working away. And instantly the first words out of his mouth
" I'm sorry about swearing, I didn't realise we had a lady on site"
 nope hes not wearing coke bottle glasses or stumbling around like he just left the bar

 I seem to remember That for most of 2011 and the later half of 2010, I was getting odd looks and stares daily
and clients would make a comment or ask a question of me to try and understand what they were seeing
On more than one occasion I was quite directly asked if I am transitioning
to all these questions I would answer honestly and would elaborate if they asked more of me


So who do I believe 


This voice in my head that doubts both myself as a person and my potential at every turn 
or 
my friends who care for me , and the overwhelming army of passer-bys that just accept and treat me as a female  


Maybe just maybe, maybe I  should learn to accept myself half as much as others seem to
crazy idea !